I read this on blainehogan.com and absolutely loved what he had to say. Recently, he and his wife were given the opportunity to consider a job opportunity at another church. As I read the blog entry, I got a sense that Blaine was used to moving around. He left home at age 18 to embark on a sense of adventure. He wanted to live a life of risk, following God. However, as he contemplated this latest move, he realized the riskiest thing was to not leave and pursue this new opportunity, but to stay. Here’s what he had to say…
Leaving is no longer the risky thing for me. The risky thing now is staying. It is submitting to the painfully transforming process of community. It is doing a dumb thing at work and then having to show back up the next day to face those you’ve disappointed. It is telling the truth instead of protecting yourself. It is letting people love you in spite of your ugly and broken bits and then letting them gently guide you into the light. It is showing up to dinners instead of going home and feeling sorry for yourself. It is letting yourself go – in a good way.
The risky thing is now staying. It is telling the truth instead of protecting yourself. It is letting people love you in spite of your ugliness and brokenness. It is staying and allowing yourself to be fully known.
It’s that last line that scars me – allowing yourself to be fully know. I believe that is the greatest risk anyone can take. It’s a risk that I’m not ready to take. I’m afraid of people knowing me completely. I’m afraid that if they know me then they will not like me. It is that fear that prevents me from fully exposing my heart. It is that fear that prevents me from saying some things.
The risk of being known, of allowing yourself to be fully known. It’s a risk that I’m want to take baby steps toward. I want to be more real. I want to put my hopes and dreams out there. I want to say what’s on my heart. But there’s always the fear of what will people do with it.